My hands

I hold you in my hands..you little animal...alright alright alright...you got a joint? it be cooler if you did...watch the leather..alright alright alright..thats the cool thing about high school girls..i get older and they stay the same age..alright alright alright alright alr....

I woke up with this written in my notepad:

As much as we want it to, a single human life is only as meaningful as we make it to be. Cries are important. Death is important. Nothing makes sense in this world. You should never try to make sense in death. Death is nature. Life flickers in and out. We all cry. Death follows us everywhere we go. I wish I could take the pain of my loved ones away from them. Pain is needed to cope with life. Some believe work and love are the only things that keep us going. What do you do when you're unemployed and out of love? Money and sex. Love and work. Confuse them and your life will turn to misery. Perhaps lying to yourself is better than denying yourself the characteristics of a happy life. Bring yourself down to lower standards. Neglect common sense. Make happiness your only priority and forget intelligence. Blind love. Pure hatred. When your brain in numb you can't think. When you can't think you can bring yourself to pure negligence.


every living thing should be allowed to live without interference. nothing should stop life.


I dont know if i agree with that....BUT FUCK YOU BURT REYNOLDS..you and your god damned mesh tank tops...grizzles of that chunky funk make your head collapse just like a robert downey autograph chizzled from the earth held to the past stuck in his habits never made to last

Absinth

A little drink thats been around for centuries...given the nickname "The Green Fairy"...depicted recently in films such as From Hell and Moulin Rouge...First off...Absinthe *with the E* is the original drink...Absinth is the Czech version of absinthe...the Czech's put an assload of wormwood in their potion...what is wormwood? Absinthe in french means wormwood...wormwood is an herb..that when distilled/put in alcohol releases a chemical called thujone...more or less *there is a lot more to the process*...either way..its the thujone that makes absinth(e) what it is...what does it do to you? well...its like being drunk..in fact..it is being drunk...because most absinth's have HIGH amounts of alcohol....the thujone acts as a stimulant..some call its affects a "clear headed drunkeness"....

I bought two bottles of this stuff...both Czech bottles of absinth....both by a company "Bairnsfather" one is Bitter the other is Reality...Bitter contains 33-35mg of thujone and Reality contains 26mg.....most other French absinthe's contain a mere 10mg

its nothing to shout about really...but...i like it...definitely something to put on the christmas wish list if you've never tried it...Remember..its illegal in the U.S...but several online companies will import it here... i got mine from www.eabsinthe.com they are very professional and extremely quick on delivery....it got right past customs without a problem

If you don't like horrible tasting liquors..then don't buy this..its like drinking battery acid...luckily for me...i don't know how to taste..so it goes down easy...with a slight gagging sensation....i nearly vomitted on my first taste of it...but...it keeps me up all night...which is kind of cool...because i usually am in bed by 8:30

Thankfully Giving Thanks for giving

Is it odd that I have identical scars on my hands? On both my thumbs, i have a cut...in the same place...if i put my thumbs side by side..they match..scar and all....weird...makes me think God is trying to tell me something...like "I want you to cut off your hideous spoon thumbs"...

Heheh..miserable gibberish (the god thing..because..he doesn't exist..for me anyway..i won't allow him/her/whatever to do so..fuck if you "dont know" if he/she/whatever exists..i merely "don't think/care" if it does)...Oh yeah...If you have a thyroid problem, which makes it inevitably hard to lose weight...then right on...fuck it right? nothing matters in this world anyway...so why should losing weight matter if its impossible...but if you're laid back on your couch...and yes..i know how that is...i know that i'm lucky to be able to lay on that god damned couch drinking cokes...but..as of late..i've decided to cut coke out of my diet..why? because look at the fucking nutrient content label on those fuckers...140 Calories in 12 ounces, along with 39 grams of sugar..good hell...what are they trying to do to us? and..thanks a lot for craming in as much caffeine as you possibly can Coca-Cola.... but..switch that shit out with water....water is all we need to survive...running isn't going to help anybody lose weight..it merely defines what you already have...go slow...work up a good sweat during these winter months..20 minutes a day for one solid month should get you results...and remember to stretch....always before and after..stretch god dammit

I have never experienced a caffeine high..i dont get why people suck back coffee to stay up...i've tried...i've had friends fix me up 3 cups of coffee at 1 in the morning and send me off to fight traffic and drousiness on Interstate 95...but i still manage to fall asleep at the wheel


please take into account that being ugly makes you strong..I should know...look at me for christ's sake...wait..are there pictures on these things? hmm..i'll have to get one on here so you can all laugh at the hideousness that follows my reflection and shadows....at one point..i had a porno shot of myself for myspace...anybody lucky enough to have saved that bad boy should be haunted for years to come....indefinitely...

Arrogant and TOTAL ASSHOLE

So, for those of you who believe i'm an asshole I would like to commend you on your thoughts as a human being. We all think, we're all arrogant, nobody likes to live life stuck under a rock, we all want to be on top of the rock..preferably doing something fun...some of us like our rock to be next to a river, or a pond, an ocean, something with a view, perhaps a mountain....we like our rock to have a nice house, a few cars, a fucking television, and whatever else makes us happy...we want our rock to be paid off...no debt, no worries...We go and get a job to make sure that we can afford the rock of our fucking dreams..the jewelry, the computers, the hobbies, snowboarding every weekend, buying things for ourselves and our friends....we are a consumer in a consumed world of greed and hate...My being an asshole is a result of growing up in this world...the worst thing you can possibly do in life is to think that you are better than someone else...and the worst thing after beliveing this..would be to...lower yourself to that person's standards....SO..if you think i'm an asshole..why would you insult me? wouldnt insulting an asshole or trying to make that asshole feel bad be lowering yourself to the asshole level? People cannot and will not change...if something is wrong in your life..it will be wrong for its entirety...because no matter what you do..you growing up in this world will leave you saturated in its filth....stop fucking crying...stop thinking that there is something that can be done to better the world....look at all the people doing so much good in the world...and wonder why they're doing it...people have jobs because they get stuck in their jobs....its all about who you know...the few lucky ones come from nothing and achieve wealth...but that wealth leads them right back to the fucking trailor park trash lifestyle that they grew up in...

Technology has allowed us humans to stop caring about everything...we're destroying our bodies, our land, our air, whatever else you can think of....Native Americans would run 50 miles to a battle, fight, win, and run 50 miles back to stop western development from the French and English...they did this for 200 years....today...the thought of running a mile sickens most of us...we are getting fatter everyday as we speak....I am getting fatter everyday...its the american way.....Then people get freaked out about how they look and stop eating...its a vicious cycle...

You can't trade in your body when it craps out on you....listening to your stereo at full blast while doing 80 on the highway will lead to hearing loss...staring at the TV and your computer screen will destroy your vision....I am just someone who believes that you should take care of your body...and I also believe in speaking my mind...i'm not aiming what I say to anyone...and i'm not expecting anyone to really listen to what i say...

so....i'll be the first to say that YES...im a dick...but...if you call me a dick...guess what..that makes you a dick...so..how "better" are you than me? We're the fucking same..just like everybody else...we all live here...we all have to deal with eachother...screaming and yelling isn't going to make our lives any longer...and fighting will only cause more bewilderment

so...laugh at the funny things i write...and if you find any meaning here...don't let my stupid side thougts piss you off enough to become the asshole that nobody wants to hang out with

Feeling Bad

WHat the fuck did you think i was going to feel bad about? Something serious, obviously not...this is me we're talking about here..nothing is real and nothing matters...if you have a problem with this..go and eat shit up in ya mouf...

BUT...i'm feeling bad..because..i had to do this quiz thing..along with a million other things, but..i was in fred vegas and had no where other than Mary Washington University to find an internet connection..THEN..it dawns on me..just use my mom's laptop and hit up the Crain's house down the street and use their wireless network while sitting on the deck...i had to drop shit off at my house anyway..so it seemed like a plan....I go to my childhood home...throw the shit in the house which consisted mainly of a chair that i stole from a doctor in fairfax city *no not my dad*...I grab my mom's laptop and turn the fucker on to see if the battery is charged...it was...sweet...so..i decide to do a little reading for the quiz and maybe even start writing....

but then..I notice that my mom's computer says that there are online updates to be downloaded..what the christ...the bastard isn't on the internet, so why would it ask me to download something that it couldnt possibly download..and then..ZANG...the wireless indicator pops up..and WE HAVE A FUCKING SIGNAL..HAHAHAH>..some poor chicken shit bastard has a wireless network near my mom's house..YAHTZEE....

so...needless to say..im using the connection right now to write this fucking blog....should I feel bad? whoever is paying for the connection is a neighbor that i have known for years...i moved around the house trying to pinpoint where the signal is strongest..and..fuck if i know...i guess the only anybody will ever know..is if whoever is paying for the highspeed internet access ever actually would check their diagnostics or whatever and see how many computers are using the system..but...nobody does that...its a rarity that anybody would know how to do that...and...even if they did..would they care that every now and then we're using it???

oh well...if they come over and tell us to stop we'll say...hey...we didn't know we we're using it...of course...the first thing i did was download as many programs as i could...like AIM, firefox, etc etc...okay those were the only two...

but...hahahahaha....high speed internet access...damn its great...especially when its free...hahah...oh..my dick hurts...

School Up in Ya Mouf

So, school is back in session and all the people from megalopolis have returned to their respected universities to endure another semester of being a yes man, or yes woman if you prefer. I've learned in my years of school that as long as you are nice, polite, and show up to class..you will have a productive year and earn decent grades. Basically, try to become your professor. If your teacher is an old douchebag..become an old douchebag. If your teacher is a washed up sad excuse of human being, become such an oddity. Just fit the mold your teacher is trying to convey and suck the shit out of his or her genitalia. Swallow his sperm. Bend your fingers up as you slowly rub her clit with your tongue..make her come like a super soaker..whatever you have to fucking do...just do it. If you forgot something..turn it in late no matter what the syllabus says..he or she will take it.

and for fucks sake..we live in a material world. If you went out last week and bought that 10 dollar watch that looks like its covered in diamonds but its obviously made of plastic..don't wear it..fat girls..you can only attract fat boys..or skinny ass boys with small penile tracts..so don't wear clothes that would make an otherwise un fat person attractive...because..its tough to be fat in this world..really tough..just stop making it harder on yourself by wearing things other than sheets with holes for arms and legs you fat miserable wastes of life.

Incredible Edible Really Bad Eggs

I find that If I take these dirty shoes off my feet as well as my socks, I can feel at ease. I put on a shirt to not be shirtless and I feel like i'm in school. I feel like i'm doing something. But I'm not doing anything. I don't want to be full of responsibility. I want to go to Amsterdam and bring my guitar. I want to act out my dreams on a stage. I want to be something that I am not. I don't know where I'm going. All I know is that I won't know what to do when I get there. I will soon have a college degree. A degree that will tell people that I can stick through something to the end. But, what if I let those people take advantage of me? What if they try to work me to death and pay me little while doing so? What if I never become the person I want to be? What if I become a person someone else wants me to be? I will never be happy until I figure out why I allow myself to breath. *other than the fact that I enjoy breathing*

Fredericksburg

If i see another mustang with a license plate like "BGBDBOY" or anything similar I AM GOING TO GO INSANE..what the fuck is wrong with people...and thank fucking god terri schiavo is dead...maybe the next time you want to stop eating you'll look at her and say "gee, i should have some fruit because fuck knows I wouldnt want to end up like a vegetable" all those bastards who think she wasnt completely dead 15 years ago are living in a little place i like to call "I fear death, I fear god, I cannot make up my own mind, I like capital punishment but don't kill white people" yeah, Lyssa said it best when she said "you know if it was a minority the media wouldn't have played it up as much," and that is true...terri was some regular joe with fucked up parents..fucked up as in they believed in a fairytale land that people go to when they die..and yet..although they believe in this so called heaven bullshit, they didnt want their kid to go there..funny isnt it?...i think Lyssa also said it best when she said "Terri's parents just like being on T.V."

i hate people. ANd i Hate hating people. Maybe i just hate the people who invented christianity...fuck knows it wasnt jesus.

WARNING...Only read if you hate life and others.

So, there was that tsunami candle light thing outside the J sizzle a few weeks/months back. HAHA, what a crock of bullshit. I walked through the middle of it and seriously wanted to scream "200,000 less mouths to feed bitches," but I didn't, I restrained myself. I'm getting sick of the human trait of sadness and pity when it comes to tragedies. Nobody killed them, it just happened. All the little "i'm gonna change the world because i'm in college and I have nothing better to do than try to act like I give a damn about a natural disaster that killed people and maybe one person can do a big difference and maybe i'll be a hero and everyone will be proud of me because i'm doing something productive and i think now i'll go stand outside that hospital with that lady who's family won't let her die after 15 years of a vegetative HELL..i love life, I want to protect life even if it is of NO CONCERN OR BUSINESS OF MINE WHATSOFUCKINGEVER." I think 80% of the population should have been aborted, and YES that counts me. Maybe if we as a species would stop Fornicating Under Carnal Knowledge to make our sad, lonely, pathetic lives feel a little bit more entertaining and worthwhile there wouldn't be so many unwanted mouths to feed. Oh, but big America with its big heart better go and help out shit countries who think fucking virgins will cure AIDS. No, let there be pain around the world. Let the tragedies play out. Without pain, there is no joy. Pull the plug on that lady and let her slip into the nothingness that already surrounds her. And, if you haven't donated to the tsunami fund, go buy a McGriddle and watch Uncle Buck with the lights down low.

8 things I love....

This done be an obvious take on toejumper's "10 things I hate", which was an obvious take on that movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days", which was an obvious take on "10 things I hate about you", which was an obvious reason to make "Jason X", which sucked and was an obvious take on "take on me", which was A-Ha's only good song, which had an obvious influence on Franz Ferdinand who wrote "Take me out", which was catchy but kinda sounds like Modest Mouse's "Float On"(period...which ends this horrible run-on sentence that went nowhere and relied on nothing to keep it going, but you fucking read it)

These are also in no particular order
1). Myself naked
2). hair loss
3). Bitchy people who act nice but aren't
4). Fredericksburg (VA not Texas...I hate Texas)
5). resin
6). Attractive girls that date hideous guys
7). Jonathan Brandis (and the way he died)
8). The premise of Back to the Future 4 - Marty has to go back to the future to find the cure for Parkinsans..sad but if only it were true

Why might you ask there are only 8 items on this list? Revert to answer number one.

Vitamin A kids...its not only good for night vision..which is not a joke..because..driving home tonight i realized two things..A: I was drunk as christ and 2: I can see rather well in the dark cuz my head lights were covered in snow and gave me no help on 123.


Is anybody there? Did anybody watch Event Horizon? that movie is scary..I feel bad for the poor bastards who went to the theater to see that thinking it would be some cutsie bullshit sci-fi flick and went home with soiled under garments (soiled with feces).

Nobody wants to play with me.

I've noticed that nobody appears to be reading my blog. I am getting no comments other than that pesky rat-bastard Felipe. I thought that once I got my blog I would become a blog celebrity and I would start accusing people of horrible things and making the headlines of CNN. I have been misled. E-blogger can go to hell. Of course, E-blogger must first believe in a religion that offers hell as one of its afterlife options. So E-blogger, do me a favor. First, start believing in a religion that offers a "hell", and then go there. Oh yeah, I went there. But guess what? E-blogger doesn't care. Nobody cares. Hence, nobody wants to play with me. NOBODY. I wonder, is it unlawful for students to carry guns on the George Mason campus? There has to be a law against that, but who really knows. I suppose I could ask the campus police but I would be afraid that they would think that I had a gun and or was insane. Virginia has pretty laid back gun laws. I know you can't have a knife with a blade longer than two inches or so on a state campus. I wonder what the rules are on firearms? I wouldn't mind roaming around campus with a loaded .45 hand cannon. Not that I would want to harm anyone, just to let everybody know that ole' Phil might have finally lost it. Well, good thing I don't own a gun. They just ain't no good up in the neighborhood. Biotch.

Food and Money

I've spent nearly 10 dollars today on food at the fairfax campus of George Mason University. Where have I spent this money you may ask? Well, 8 california rolls runs about $4.70 at the Johnson Center's food court. With tax that $4.70 is $4.94, so there is 5 bucks right there. Then of course one needs a tasty beverage to muscle down the wasabi and soy sauce and I usually buy a 20 oz. Coke for a crisp dollar. That really doesn't fill me up apparently because no less than 3 hours later I have found myself fiening for more food. At Sub 2 I enjoy purchasing a Hot Stuff Pizza (veggie) for about $3.40. Whenever I get pizza at Sub 2 I always find myself buying at least one egg roll. Egg rolls go for about $1.30 a piece. I found myself sick of feeling my cavities and decided to get a less intrusive lemon iced tea from Nestea for another crisp buck. Why am I writing like I want to be a reporter and this is an application form? Because I feel like a loser right now, thats why. A kid once called me a loser in the sixth grade. I stole his graphic calculator and pissed in his locker when I was in high school. I hold grudges.

Who was Valentine?

When I was younger I went to school with a fellow named Phillip Valentine. I never enjoyed the fact that he was alive for two reasons. First his name was Phillip, and second my name is Philip. I won't divulge how many teachers spelled my name wrong on account of this bastard. I will, on the otro, otro being other, hand say that I do have a particular bond with all the other Philip's out there in this crazy world. This Phillip character was a goofball. He wasn't as bad as the nerd that wore prescription goggles during recess, but he still was hated by most all of the school. I certainly didn't mind that he was hated. I hated him because all reference to him constituted a sub-conscious and or psychological reference to myself. When somebody said "Hey, Phillip pissed his pants on the school bus again," for a split second anyone could have believed it was me that pissed my pants. I was glad when Phillip hung himself outside of my house exactly 8 years ago today. It was only then when I could drag myself to school without the thought of him on my mind. So, that was who Valentine was. If you have a problem with that you can go to hell. Of course, one has to believe in hell to go there. So, if you have a problem with this do me a favor. First, believe in a religion that offers hell as one of its afterlife options. Then, go there.


P.S. Valentine didn't kill himself. He just "came out" to me 8 years ago. "Hung" you get what i'm saying. We've been seeing eachother ever since...i mean......

the weekend..and..such

Okay, so the weekend. (Background info first: I have a good friend David Crain who happens to be paralyzed. David has a good friend Jerry Sipp who happens to be an actor, playwrite and all around theater professional...Jerry lives in Sanford, North Carolina and the play he is directing "Falling In Like" (which he also wrote) was debuting these past two weeks at Temple Theater http://www.templeshows.com , the theater that Jerry runs) So, needless to say I drove David Crain and Dumplin down to Sanford to catch the play. After the long drive we got to Sanford on Friday and met up with Jerry at a local Japanese "house of steak"...good times..but Jerry had to dip quick and get on to the Friday showing of "Falling In Like". Falling In Like has gotten amazing reviews in both small and large newspapers around Sanford and Raleigh. Saturday we wake up, get ready and catch a bite at "Lil' Dino's"..damned good food...then, Jerry showed us his house, Temple Theater, and the slums and mansions of Sanford...........Off to the show..Saturday night...Falling In Like was the best play I have ever seen..granted i've seen about a dozen..it was still better than any crap play i've been forced to see for theater classes at mason...Jerry thanked all of us during his curtain speech and after the play we got to meet some of the actors..including morgan grace jarrett...look her up.. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1015029/ too bad there's no picture of her there..goooodness..she's beautiful

Sunday, we said our goodbyes to Jerry and left Sanford...it was a good trip

Its all up and running

Hey, this is the blog for Felipe, A.K.A Phil.J.Scherrens

have fun